Let’s be honest, parenting gifted children can be quite challenging. Days go by, and we feel that things just aren’t going as expected. Add to that our inevitable tendency to compare ourselves to other families, especially those we see on social media.
But… just like the title of this post, I can only say: Don’t worry! You’re not doing it wrong, and I’ll explain why I think so.
That feeling of guilt
Facing the scenario described at the beginning, the first thing parents usually do is ask themselves, What am I doing wrong?
We think that we are to blame for any situation of this nature. We know we’re putting in effort, but we don’t see results. So, the only answer we glimpse is that we’re not doing things right, that as parents, it’s our fault that our children behave the way they do, and we should have done things differently from the start. Of course, we worry that it might be too late to make any corrections in our parenting.
An effort… in vain?
However, despite the exhaustion, we don’t give up and continue to give our best, hoping that things will improve at some point.
We consult with other parents, read books, research on the internet, follow accounts on social media related to parenting, take courses, among other things. Some learned strategies work… for a while. Others don’t even make a small impact.
So, once again, we start to think that the job of parents is too much for us. That no matter how hard we try, everything is in vain since we don’t see the results we want.
You’re not doing it wrong
All that work, effort, time invested, is not in vain. Every little piece of knowledge gives us more tools that, even if just a little, are helping us in this parenting journey.
The difference lies in the fact that the majority of parenting tools and strategies don’t work the same way in gifted children, and I can list some reasons:
- The mental age of our children may be 4-6 years ahead of their biological age. Therefore, if we have an 8-year-old, they will likely have the mindset of a teenager. Hence, parenting strategies for children aged 5-10 will not work for them.
- Gifted children (and adults) tend to question everything. They won’t do something just because they’re told. They need to understand the why behind everything.
- Common strategies like “reward or punishment” don’t have the same effect on gifted children. They need to negotiate and reach agreements between both parties.
- And other reasons, which will be discussed in detail in another post.
Despite all this, it doesn’t mean that what we’ve learned is useless. On the contrary, by educating ourselves more about topics related to giftedness, we can adapt other learned strategies in a way that truly makes an impact.
So, cheer up, dad/mom. You’re not doing it wrong. It’s just about focusing on learning how to apply what you’ve learned with your wonderful children.
To conclude, I want you to remember that:
Parenting is only difficult for good parents.